$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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