Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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