wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
