4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My vagina is officially offended.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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