One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
