I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
