You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
