I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize