the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
