fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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