This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize