Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
