A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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