I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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