i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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