dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
