I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
