Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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