47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
