i think my mom watched the whole time
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
