Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
