Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
