is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
