i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
