bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
