There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The air taste purple.
Randomize
