he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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