so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
