It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
