You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
