I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
