he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
