maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
