You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
