Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
