i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
