Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
