me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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