Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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