Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
