At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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