This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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