Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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