Whod you bang
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
