What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
