Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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