I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My penis needs a shock collar
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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