what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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