Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize