i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
