Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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