i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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