Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
