i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just want nice things and good sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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