Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
