i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
