Betty ford says i'm here all night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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