I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
