if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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