I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
