Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
