Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i drank out of a bidet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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