whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
