my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize