Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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