Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
