i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
