Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
