sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
