yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She even gives head with a lisp.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
