I'm pants shitting drunk right now
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
