You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
