I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
