I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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