he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
