the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize