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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
