ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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