I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
