So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
operation harelip BJ is a go
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
