Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
