awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
