Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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