Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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