i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
