Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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