would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
