dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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