Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
