dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize