Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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