I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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