i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
