Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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