Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Less talking, more tequila
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
