how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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