god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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