i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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