He kissed a someone with a penis
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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