I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
